Paradox

Many divisions of Christianity agree that all it takes to be saved and go to Heaven after death is to have faith in God and accept the Lord into your heart, I think it's called "salvation by grace and faith" or something along those lines. If this truly is the scenario, then why do so many Christians go for the "fire and brimstone" approach? If you're already set to go to Heaven by accepting God, then what is the point of preaching that people are all going to hell? If you prescribe to this particular approach of salvation through grace, it's not possible to gain "brownie points" with God; you're already loved indiscriminately no matter what you do, as long as you have faith.

That's why I don't understand people who seem to try and do the complete "goodie two shoes" approach, for lack of a more appropriate term. You're already loved, so what's the deal? I'm not at all saying that you should take that "salvation through grace/faith" message and say "Okay, whatever, I believe and I'm saved, so I'm gonna be a shitty person and do whatever I want, no matter how immoral" because, even though I suppose you could technically do whatever you want more or less and still be saved, the values extolled by the bible are just good to follow to be a kind, good person, even if you're irreligious. However, there's no reason to go around with a "holier than thou" attitude and preach out at people, I don't think, which brings me to my next point that confuses me:

I think it's really funny that many "devout" Christians seemingly tend to pass judgement on others, even other Christians. I am a Christian. I accept Jesus and God. However, I don't follow the same views on the matter as every other Christian, but why does that make me a worse Christian? Even if I were to totally reject the idea of Christianity, I don't see why so many Christians take that as a right to judge and ostracize those who have that viewpoint. It's just a different world view, and by judging those people, the very values Christians try and uphold are blatently disregarded.

Confusing stuff.

Missing Pieces

It sucks going out with your friends, and having what should be a perfect day, but knowing you could be even happier and feel settled if the person you love was there with you. It's like a puzzle piece is missing. Call it a dramatic or cliched analogy, but it's fairly accurate.

I love my friends, I love my city, I love my school, but it's not the same...kind of like a perpetual limited happiness. Maybe that could be viewed as a bad thing, but it's all worth it as soon as I wake up and talk to her or see her, and I suppose it's a testament to the strength of the relationship that both parties feel this way.

Still.

Sigh.

Stressed. Bleh.

You know what feeling isn't fun? Feeling alone. Especially when your own parents are one of the main factors adding to that feeling. No support, even when I need help.

Whatever, stoked on getting an apartment in the summer and next year so I don't have to deal with all that.

Goodnight.

Out of Step

I'm really done with being categorized and being assigned preconceived notions before a chance is given to explain onesself or one's actions.

I get this a lot for the whole straight edge thing. People automatically conclude, just because I associate myself with that and with people who believe the same thing that I:

a) Look down on those who drink.

b) Am antisocial/violent.

c) Continuously pass judgement on a majority of society as a whole.

I seriously hate that. I don't judge those who drink. I try not to judge anyone, which proves to be hard due to basic human nature, but I do try and work on it. I don't agree with the party culture/mentality of some people, the whole "Oh, dudeee I'm gonna get sooo wasted and crunk this weekend and take advantage of drunk chicks"...yeah, I don't like that. But I don't think those are bad people, nor do I judge them, I just don't agree with the mentality.

I'm proud and still continue to enjoy associating myself with straight edge, but I hate it sometimes becuase of the above reasons...sometimes it's not easy to deal with. That sounds cliched but whatever.

That's not the only area that I feel sort of judged upon due to differences of opinion, even judged by some of my own friends, but it's whatever. You can't win 'em all, and I'm comfortable with who I am and where I am in life.

Deep talks about everything under the sun. Nonstop horsepets. Shafer awkwardness. Hollywood cemetary exploring/falling backwards into graves/artsy pictures. Horrible movies/Kim being scared. Waffle House with Meagan. Late night chillaxing. Suprising Nancy. Pictures in the car laughing. Perfect light. 5th Street to Belle Isle. "Vandalized" clues. Secret spot on the water. Pictures, pictures, pictures. Bridge to nowhere. Church Hill. Alley Katz loudness. "Is he staring at me!?" Bottoms Up food babies. Cary Town. First date Deja Vu. Pillow game slash "watching movies" fail. Sitting on roses. Waffle House round two with Richmond Crew. Gift exchanges. Goodbyes :(

Awesome, awesome weekend. Makes me sad that every day can't be the same way...but, so is life. Maybe some day.

Lucky guy.

My friends

Are ridiculous.

Activities the past week or so have included: tagging up condemned buildings....trying to get into creepy hobo houses....me being strangled with a scarf until i almost pass out (not cool, Ryan)....recording impromptu folk jams....trying to crash random parties....bringing the unwelcome mosh to a "chill" house show....meeting sketchy (to say the least) hardcore people from other states at seedy bars....turning cooking spray and lighters into flamethrowers and lighting other friends' clothing on fire (by mistake, or so my friend claims)....Stop sign target practice on well populated streets with a BB gun....fixed gear crashes on night rides at 20mph....stepping in hobo poop....late late night talks....band acoustic sing alongs....late night waffle house runs....

craziness, but good times.

Dar de Gracias

Thank you for telling me how you honestly feel about things. Thank you for staying true to yourself and what you want. Thank you for trying to understand where I come from on things that you don't always agree with. Thank you for respecting my opinions, even when they're illogical. Thank you for dealing with me and still talking to me even when I get over emotional and frustrated about things, especially when I don't always know how to explain how I feel about things. Thank you for still staying with me even when I get jealous sometimes and have unfounded worries. Thank you for putting up with the hardship of long distance for me. Thank you for helping me work on becoming more close to my religion. Thank you for all the hours of talking for the past two years. Thank you for putting laugh lines on my face, even on the most bleak days. Thank you for working with me as a pair to get through hard times. Thank you for all the memories.

3/4ths of a year. 273.75 days. Some people might argue that that's a long time, especially when most of it is spent apart from the person that you care about. Gotta say though, doesn't seem like eight months at all, I mean it does, but I guess time feels different when you feel a relationship getting stronger as the time passes, and when you feel like there's a future for the two of you. Really an amazing feeling, can't say I've felt it before, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Gracias por todos de las memorias, chica :)