Over the Years

Thinking about how I've changed over time. Long post, probably no one will read it, but eh, I feel like writing, it's 2:52am and I'm not sleepy so what else am I gonna do?

Elementary: Honestly, as elementary school kids go, and in the elementary social hierarchy, I was a pretty cool kid. I wasn't a really athletic kid, I mean I was skinny and stuff but just skinny, not athletic skinny, and I didn't excel at sports. I really didn't do all that much to differentiate myself, but then again, unless you're involved in sports, at that age, what else do you do? You're not physically developed enough to play music, you can't do stuff alone, so you basically just go to school and go on play dates with friends. I guess in elementary school everyone sort of belongs to a homogeneous group more or less. Anyways, I was one of the kids who I guess everyone liked more or less, not sure why, but I was; I got voted the "Most Friendly" and "Most Liked" at the 5th grade assembly and stuff haha. Not too much more to say here.

Middle: I changed a lot in middle. Sixth grade I was still the generic child, trying to carve out my own niche in the social strata. I remember hanging out with a pretty diverse group too, lil bit of everyone. I was never one of the preppy popular kids though, but then again that crowd never impressed me, so I never tried to be one of their friends. Eventually, towards the end of that year, I started gravitating a little towards the more music oriented kids, thanks to my best friend at the time (and still), Grayson, and also Ian Hurdle. Seventh grade, I started thinking more of how I dressed, started wearing some band shirts and whatnot, and I think that's when I started playing guitar and again continued hanging out more with musically oriented people, but that's just because of my preexisting friends, and I never got cliquish; I'd be friends with anyone. 8th grade was more of the same I think. Only thing then was me becoming a little more mature and I think starting to pay a lot more attention to girls.

Highschool: Highschool is where it all came together I guess. Freshman year I kinda dressed more preppy, wanting to fit in with the majority of people, y'know, not trying to alienate myself in any way in the beginning. I can't really remember freshman year, except for not being very self confident, I still made friends and stuff but I was a little more quiet. Sophomore year, same thing. Made friends and hung out with the usual people, but I had a fairly small and tight knit group of friends and didn't really try to branch out. Still a little reserved and serious, I didn't act myself at school or with a lot of people I guess. Also that year I had my first girlfriend(ish), so I suppose that made me mature some. Junior year I feel I started to come into my own a little. I was more social and made more friends and was more busy than ever, but still not quite as confident in myself, I feel like I judged myself a lot and was self depreciating often.

Senior year was awesome, and I feel like I finally found myself so to speak, sounds cliche, but eh, it's fairly accurate. I started regularly going to hardcore shows that year, I mean I had gone off and on since sophomore year, but I really got into the music and started making friends within that scene. I also made friends with a bunch of kids in the grade below that year, and of course within my own grade, so that boosted my self confidence, and I dunno, I guess I realized hey, if people don't like who I am, I don't need them y'know?? So I started acting like my goofy, awkward self all the time more or less, and I think that's come across to others, hopefully in a positive way. I think I also started actually caring about myself in terms of how I dressed and presented myself to others, lost some weight, started trying to be more presentable in general. I also, through relationships, learned a lot about myself and who I am, and matured more in that sense, and discovered who and what actually makes me happy.

College has just started, and I don't feel too different from senior year, just more self sufficient and mature I guess. Also doing my best to make a long distance relationship has helped me mature in some ways too...it's difficult, but it's something that's really important to me of course, so I think it's helped teach me the value of working hard towards your goals, in a different sense than most get that from.

Long read. If you actually made your way through that probably illogical nonsense above, you should probably pat yourself on the back haha. But yeah. I guess I've changed a fair amount over the years, but in a direction I'm happy with I think, and I'm fairly comfortable with who I am.