2010.

This past year, in condensed form:

-Finished out senior year, and graduated high school. Gotta say, those were an awesome four years, made some long lasting friends and good memories.
-Turned 19! Almost two decades of my nonsensical ridiculous self roaming the planet.
-Crazy summer adventures. Pipeline. Downtown. Hardcore beach style. Late nights. Waffle house...soooo much waffle house haha. New friends. Way too much to remember really, but it was awesome, honestly one of the best summers in recent memory.
-Started college! VCU Rams 2k14 baby oh lezz do it. College has been really fun so far, I've made a bunch of new friends and become way better friends with people from high school, and the work and stuff is good too.
-Went to easily 50+ shows and a festival (so stoked for United Blood 2011), saw hundreds of great bands, and made a ton of new friends down at The Warehouse. It really is awesome having that consistant group of thirty to forty friends down there who will have my back and who I get to go crazy with.
-Learned a lot about myself. I was definitely a more confident person this year, and feel like I've really become who I will be for the rest of my life more or less...I mean people change, but as for my basic personality, I feel like that's set pretty much.
-Started, after a long convoluted road, finally dating my girlfriend, who is also my best female friend. Honestly not many people make me as happy as she does, and it's an awesome feeling to have someone like her who I can talk to about pretty much anything...I'm a lucky guy. We've spent an amazing six months together, and hopefully she won't get too sick of my nonsense in the new year!

This year really has been excellent. Everything has gone well for me, and though there's been a fair amount of change, it has been for the better mostly. Hopefully 2011 will treat me as kindly, and HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

Oh the times they are a' changin'

I'm going to do my best to be a better person this new year. I'm going to stop judging people, or at least do my best to try, and give people a chance. I want to be more giving. I'm going to do my best to be understanding and be a better boyfriend and friend. I'm going to get into the shape I want to before the summer.

Let's do it.

CHRISTMAS EVE

I love Christmas Eve. You have so much leading up to the actual event of Christmas, and it all culminates with Christmas eve. Don't get me wrong. I love the actual Christmas day, presents and all and family and friends, good times!

But.

Christmas Eve is when I personally really "feel" the Christmas spirit the most if that makes sense. For example today, I went out, shopped a bit with my mom (craziness, eff walmart), got Starbucks, came home, played xbox and relaxed, then our family friends Bruce and his daughter Kelly came over, along with a couple of my friends for dinner and just catching up and chilling.

After that, it was time for church at 10:30. Christmas mass is by far my favorite service my church offers. The whole church is decked out in wreathes and candles and poinsettas and other festive stuff, we sing Christmas carols, hear the story of Jesus being born, all that good stuff. Plus my friend Gray came with us. He's not Catholic, so he was a little out of his element haha, but it made for an even better time. After that, we came home, and I went over to Kim's house to pick up my Christmas present from her and to get to see her for a little bit on Christmas Eve. She got me two awesome shirts from two of my favorite hardcore bands, they're definitely gonna be worn/moshed with heavily.

Speaking of her, it really is a great feeling to have someone who cares about you during this season. Couldn't ask for a better girl to be with, just sayin'! Lucky hombre right hurr.

Merry Christmas to the like...3 or 4 people who read this!

Nevermind.

Snow Style

Ella esta aqui y tengo felicidad :)


Since I'm clearly a VCU hipster, I'm going to write about the start of my break in dissociated words and phrases, artsy fartsy style. If you weren't there, this won't make too much sense.

Friday: Hugging/tackling Kim into snow. Short pump. Friends. Vans. El Cap. Carne de Perro. Snowball fight. Kathryn scaring me to death. Lights. Frozen toes. Blockbuster...twice. Starbucks. Jenga aka Jumbling Blocks. Elizabeth bumping the table. Laughing, a lot. Teeth. Couch/stage dives. Elizabeth farting on me, probably sharting. Napping. Hugs goodbye. Sleep.

Saturday: Awake at noon. Xbox. Tree. Stringing lights. Carpenter's Christmas. Ornaments. Writing music. Gray hangs. Hunan Beef for dinner. Xbox. Kim. Cookie bars. Downtown. Lights and deer and glass and marble. Pictures. Capital. Big tree. Cold. "Sad and happy". House hunting. Good talks. TBell. "Guardian". Kiss goodbye. Sleep....at 5am :)

Definitely an awesome start to the break. I'm seriously so happy that everyone is home, and that I'll have 3 whole weeks with my friends and Kim and her friends, and with no school worries. Everything feels right. Good times my friends, good times.

Can't do anything right. And I'm getting sick. Cool.

Snow

Love it, love driving in it. But when my girlfriend can't get home and my friends aren't allowed out in it....fuck off, snow.

This should be added to my pet peeves post.

Pet Peeves.

^Me making my annoyed face. I'm bored and trying hard not to have my cough get worse, so to distract myself, I feel like writing about annoyances haha.

1. Armchair philosophers/politicians - The WORST. Talkin' bout the people, we all know them, who are horribly misinformed and lack little knowledge on a topic, yet insist on going on about said topic and make horribly biased/incorrect generalizations.

2. Forgetting a jacket when it's cold, happens to me all the time. Especially when it's windy. Eww.

3. Powdery snow getting thrown at you and stinging your face, often going down your shirt. Biggest bummer.

4. Immaturity. Completely different from acting goofy or crazy and going and doing crazy stuff, cuz most of that is just fun. I'm talking about people who handle situations in a completely selfish way, people who judge others at first glance, those who are posessive of others, people who can't be content with present situations, those who feel a need for overbearing inclusiveness, stuff like that. I don't know if immaturity is the right word, I dunno, but people like that need to get real.

5. Militant straight edge people. Just...no.

6. People with zero holiday spirit, lame.

7. Spin kicks. I mean, moshing in general looks stupid hahaha. But twirling in a circle? Unless you're a small person and nimble, you're gonna look horrible. Especially the larger people who go for it. Actually I don't mind spin kicks, they provide laughs. Kicking back into the crowd is annoying, mainly because the sole purpose is to hurt people. Weak.

8. My lack of music theory knowledge. I need to work on that, it bums me out when someone's like "Just write something in the key of E" for example and I don't always know what to do.

9. And finally...the worst thing ever....FRICKIN' FRUIT DAYS AT SHAFER! WHO WANTS TO SUBSTITUTE A STUPID BANANA FOR A COOKIE!? NO ONE! :D

Major Change pt. 2?

Already went from mass communications/journalism to political science, I've been thinking though, definitely not the most practical of majors.

Kim's gotten me all interested in psychology. I've always though criminal psychology or just psychology in general would be an interesting job, and really rewarding too if you're able to help someone. Not to mention it's a practical field, people will always need help. I really like listening to people also, and (too often) I like trying to give advice. That and it seems a lot of (sometimes sorta random, or at least unexpected) people generally tend to confide in me for whatever reason, maybe that'd work in my favor? Who knows. Seems like it'd be fun though, might take some psych classes at least.

I wish I could work in the music industry too or run a recording studio.

Too many choices haha.



ALSO CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!

Long distance blows sometimes.

Long and deep talks are the best. I'm happy :)

Wintuh

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^Snowflakes falling. I. Love. Winter. It seriously made me so happy when I was at JMU when it started to snow. It wasn't a lot, but still, just seeing that puts me in a good mood. I hope it snows a lot in Richmond! I have plans with a bunch of my friends to grab sleds and go riding down the Shockoe Slip hill and down Broad Street when it snows, before the plows come. That'll be awesome, it better snow!! I really like being out in the cold too, it feels invigorating, especially when I come back to my house in the west end and get in front of the fire...awesome.

Also, just the whole Christmas season makes me so happy. It's not even getting presents really, it's everything else. The music, the food, being with family and friends, the general happy feeling, it's all good. And baby Jesus. Nuff said.

On top of all this, it's seriously awesome to have someone to share it with :)

Good mood thinking ahead to break.

Really good weekend, got to finally see Kim for a monthaversary! Every time those roll around one of us has been busy or something haha, but we got to get together for our six month. I had a lot of fun meeting and hanging out with her friends, and just getting time to lay around with her and talk is always nice. The past six months have been amazing. I feel like with her I've obviously had an great time, but also matured and changed for the positive as a person, and made new friends. I was sad to have to say bye to her, but then again we've only got a couple weeks till we see each other again.

On a more negative note, bleh weird mood all day. I think it's just because I'm tired, and I think I'm getting a cold or something. Just kinda had a bleak outlook on things today, felt weird and negative about myself, that no one gives a shit about what I do, and just didn't feel good in general haha. Sigh. Whatever. Seeing and hanging out with friends helped some I suppose, I tried to put on a happy face them and stuff and we had a good time. Oh well. Just one of those days.



^Kinda how I felt. I know the lyrics don't apply, and not trying to sound emo, but I just felt melancholy and useless all day. I'll stop bitching about it, I don't like complaining it generally makes me feel worse.

And finally on a more random and happy note, I love the winter. I don't have a jacket or warm enough clothes (gotta go shoppin!) and it's freezing, but hey I like it haha, just makes me feel better being outside, so excited for Winter Break, we better get some snow!

Looking Forward

I talked on the phone with Kim for a couple hours today about just life in general. Besides being a really good conversation, it had me thinking about what I want to accomplish and where I want to be in the future, and my goals in general. Right now I'm pretty pleased with how life is going for me. I'm doing solid in school (though I need to work on motivation), I have wonderful friends and an amazing girlfriend, am fortunate enough to be receiving a college education courtesy of my parents, and I'm generally just happy.

Howabout the future though? I know that I'm only 19 years old, but doesn't hurt to think ahead you know? That's what me and Kim were talking about primarily. Some goals.

-Finish college first off, then potentially grad school? Dunno where.
-TRAVEL!!! And before I work. I'll have the rest of my life to work and live in the United States. There's no way I want to die an old man without getting out and seeing the world...I definitely want to travel for at least a few months before I start completely focusing on a career.
-Marriage. Pretty self explanatory. Besides being obviously the woman that you love, I feel like your wife is your best friend when you get married (well, if you married the right person haha I suppose), I mean you know everything and do everything with that person, and it'd be awesome to have someone like that and get to travel the world and stuff with them.
-Kids. I never understand people who are against having children. I mean...it's like a whole independent little person that you help create, and you get to watch them grow and be an influence on them, pretty amazing.
-Career. I honestly have no idea where I want to end up with this. I love writing...I love music...I love global cultures/history...I love to read...just a lot to think about in terms of what I want to do for the rest of my life. I just want to be sure to have a job that is flexible and fun, and with which I can support my wife and children so they can be happy and be able to do whatever and not have to worry.
-Music. I'd like to create music up until the day I die. Good stuff right there.
-Religion. I have kind of unorthodox views on some things, but I of course still consider myself a Christian. I'd like to explore the religion a little more and become a stronger Christian, but while retaining my own views on things. I dunno. It's complicated.

If I can manage all that, and probably other stuff I forgot, I'll have lived a fulfilling life. It's a bit overwhelming when you consider that some of the decisions you make now, while in college, can really affect the course of your entire life. Hopefully I don't screw too much of it up! Haha.

Inked.

Yesterday was busy. Too busy honestly haha, ended up with a huge headache, hopefully today I can just chill and do work. Last night was fun though, some words to describe it: naked, tattoos, cops, medians, shots. If that doesn't sound fun I don't know what does. Also, it makes me really happy that my girlfriend feels comfortable enough to talk to me about pretty much anything, and that I feel the same way :)

Also (and yes it's real, don't tell my mom...seriously. I'll tell her but not yet, and she should find out from me haha.):

If you couldn't tell, says 804, looks better in person plus it's bruised in that picture, not to mention it's a homemade tattoo, so it's not expected to be perfect haha. Stick and poke done with needles and india ink done by Ryan Burns haha, good times.

Dia de Accion de Dar Gracias

So far this year has given me a ton to be thankful for.

Friends. I've made a lot of friends since the last Thanksgiving, a lot of which I consider close friends now, which is awesome. I feel like the group I usually hang out with in college will be friends for a long time, they're all great people. Also, Kim's group of friends (aka the only ones reading this) are awesome too, letting my awkward tall self into their group and letting me come along with them when they hang out, makes me happy.

Family. Pretty self explanatory. I mean I like to think I'm a lil more independent now that I'm in school, but still, my mom and dad do a ton for me, and have really shaped the way I think of things in a positive light.

Hardcore. The warehouse is practically like a second home haha, I'm never not there. I've made a ton of good friends over the years through this music, met a bunch of other interesting people, travelled to weird/cool places, and just had a great time. Not to mention straight edge, I'm happy and thankful to remain true to myself and what I believe in.

Girlfriend. Basically 6 months of being happy. Adventures, exploring Richmond, weird inside jokes, nonstop craziness....it's been awesome haha, couldn't be happier. Thankful for having someone I can talk to all the time and tell anything and call both my girlfriend and one of my best friends.

Waffle House. Affordable food. Horrible coffee. Meghan. Me and my friends have spent so much time there, figured a shout out was warranted.

Today/tonight was funny/awesome :)

Happy.

Friday: Was so pumped to get to go to dinner/Harry Pothead and the Sorcerer's Stoned aka the new Harry Potter movie with Kim's family! Dinner was awesome, basically consisting of her dad being hilariously loud and New Jerseyish, her brother calling me Italian and playing off Italian stereotypes, and our waitress yelling at people for sniffing beers. Good times. Afterwards, Harry Potter was SWEET, definitely everything I expected and more. After that, me and Kim met up with some buddies for Waffle Casa, then sleep.

Saturday: Just goofed off and made pasta for the vegan dinner all day, then met up with Kim. She and I had some time to kill, so we went to Belle Isle for awhile (rhyme! i'm a poet and didn't know it), which was fun as always. Definitely kinda a creepy place after dark, but it was all good, and I just liked getting some one on one time and walking around with ze girlfriend outside. After that, we went to Ryan's for the Vegan Friendsgiving Dinner, which was way cool. About 30 - 40 people showed up, the food was good (Kim tried everything, really impressed me), the conversation was good, and the JT stories were the best. After that, we went to Liz's, then Waffle House again hahaha, after packing 7 people in a car. Duh. Clown Car/Mexican Car Style.

Sunday: Picked up some roses for Kim, had lunch with the familia, gave Kim the flowers (I think she liked em!), then went to Kim's 2nd birthday dinner with a ton of her friends. It was really fun, her friends are all cool, and it's always nice to meet some new people. After dinner, we goofed around in the parking lot for awhile/Trust Fell/watched Kim proceed to lose her voice even more. After that we 711'd, then me Kim and Liz went back to Liz's house, where we watched some Celebrity Look Alike show...which turned out to be one of the funniest things ever. One of those times where everyone was tired, so everything was 10x funnier.

Definitely a really good weekend, one of the best in awhile. I feel so much happier when Kim's her, kinda like everything's "right", kinda corny but hey, it's the truth haha. She's never not making me laugh or feel happy...and I get to see her for a whole other week! I'm a lucky, lucky person, and life is good.

Padiddle.

Well today was certainly interesting. Woke up (actually feeling similar to P. Diddy I think, I was all like invigorated and peppy, dunno why haha), went to UNIV112, boring, then met up with my buddies for lunch. We chilled and talked for awhile, then went to Ryan's apartment for a few hours and met up with probably like 5 more of our friends, just hanging out, talking playing music, riding bikes, the usual. Afterwards me, Stewart, and Ellie got in my car, and caravaned with Ace, Ryan, Jordan, Josh, Bronwyn, Rademacher, Ian, and Michael down to VA Beach to see Deadbeat and Break Away play. The trip was certainly amusing haha, between blasting music, having deep chats, and having both passengers nude (yes, completely naked) in my car at one point (it was a driving game...I swear.); definitely an interesting drive.

After being lost for awhile, we finally found the venue, "Kingpins". It turned out to be an (abandoned?) old flea market, and the show was put on in some back room, which was legitimately like 15x15', not really conducive to a hardcore show. Gotta say, the VB scene is DRASTICALLY different from Richmond. In Richmond, yeah it's dangerous at times, people get hurt, there are some rough people involved, but in VB at times I legitimately felt unnerved and uncomfortable. The show was basically non stop crowd killing, and with a lot of talk of fights and jumping people...definitely different. I was kinda dumb too, and I think took some hits for it later, because for Deadbeat at one point I thought people would get moving for a certain part of a song, and I kicked back into the crowd then stomped across the room and threw myself into the people there haha, it was fun.....but turns out I was legitimately the ONLY one moving. People noticed me, which isn't necessarily good, and I think I got hit later for it. Whatever, they couldn't pull that in Richmond, and I won't be heading back there anytime soon haha. I'm happy I could support my friends though.

After the show, we got Taco Bell, swung by ODU to pick up Tres, then headed back, playing the naked driving game Padiddle again hahaha (I'm happy the driver, myself, was exempt). Today was fun, lil crazy, but still fun.

Also, T-Minus 6 days until I see her and see Harry Potter! O LEZZZ DO IT.

Gracias.

Thanks: for putting up with my random bad moods and other nonsense. For putting up with me when I'm being a jackass. For being patient with me when I'm not exactly perceptive of some things or when it takes me awhile to understand certain things. For dealing with my deafness. For cheering me up when I'm bummed out, and making me happy in general. For adding to the laugh lines that I'll no doubt have every day I talk to you. For finding time for me even when you've got so much going on. For hours upon hours of talking. For letting me get to know you.

And for, as you put it, "not being ugly ;D" haha.

Late night running. Nothing better.

Song is awesome, especially the end. Lyrics are a bummer but it puts me in a good mood haha. Good for night drives.

Doesn't get much better than knowing someone feels about you the way you feel about them :)

Wolfpack Weekend 2010

This weekend was awesome/bittersweet. I'll cover the awesome stuff first.

Friday: Pretty chill day, just hung out with friends, went to Belle Isle and goofed around in the abandoned buildings there, hopped fences into the train yard, all that kinda stuff. Afterwards we visited Vinyl Conflict in Oregon Hill (best record store), then headed to Stewart's. A big group of us went from there to mi casa, where we met up with some friends who were visiting from college, and just talked and whatched movies and hung out.

Saturday: Definitely busy, but in a really good and fun way. I just chilled at home till about 6pm, then rolled downtown to Alley Katz, where me and a bunch of friends checked out the "Hell-oween" metalcore festival. Honestly, the music was terrible, and there were a bunch of fights, but it was amusing at least, and being with friends is good. Not to mention I didn't pay muahaha, it's nice knowing people who'll get you in sometimes. Afterwards, me and a bunch of people went over to Ryan's apartment, and just jammed out and chilled. Eventually it ended up being me, Ryan, Michael, Bronwyn, and Stewart. Ryan convinced all of the guys to let him buzz our hair...dunno if that was a good idea or not but I personally don't think it looks too bad, definitely a more mature look buuut yeah. We then got in the car (at about 1am) and headed on an adventure to...acquire..some pumpkins. After that, which was hilarious/fun, we all carved the pumpkins and just watched crappy horror movies till we fell asleep.

Sunday: Chill day. Went to Hollywood Cemetary with Ryan, Stewart, and Ellie, which was nice, especially on Halloween day. After that and lunch, we ended up down at The Warehouse, where we were there to see the Halloween Hardcore Cover Show, which was awesome.

Overall, it was a really fun weekend. Gotta love weekends full of doing fun, chill things with good friends, it's weekends like this that I really like being in Richmond. However, when I'm doing said fun things, it really sucks being seperated from one of the people that I care about the most. Not being able to share fun experiences with Kim is definitely a bummer...I mean we text each other about what we're doing and stuff but it's not nearly the same. I just feel more comfortable and happy when she's there overall, like things are right, y'know? Long distance can suck sometimes, especially when the other person isn't feeling happy...sigh. Hopefully I'll be able to see her soon, if not, it's another 3 weeks, which makes me sad, but it'll be okay; it's worth it of course.

My own mom said that she doesn't know me and that I've been disappointing both her and my dad, and I feel worthless. I mean okay maybe I haven't done quite as well I could be doing so far, but I'm just getting used to things, and really? A disappointment? Thanks. Can't say I've felt alone like this in a long time. Zero self esteem after that conversation. Oh well. Hopefully this weekend will be fun and make me feel a little better.

Thank you to the people that keep me sane.

Don't think I've ever really made a post directly about this.

I get crap all the time about considering myself belonging to the straight edge movement. I've gotten used to being made fun of for it and dealing with sometimes awkward situations due to it though, and I'm comfortable with the decision. Basically, straight edge is a youth movement that chooses to look for alternatives to drinking, drug use, and tobacco, and with a general connection to hardcore punk. The reasons for this are numerous in my opinion. Me and my friends have a ton of fun without doing any of that, honestly. Sounds cliched but it's true. More so than that however is I just don't really see the point. I look at my roommate who's constantly high, and he's almost failing out of college, blows all of his paychecks on drugs, and has lost friends and hurt relationships with his drug use...all of that for a short term "good time". Drinking I think is more understandable, but I also don't really understand why people, especially a lot college kids, "need" it to have a good time...I guess puking/hangovers/losing inhibitions/not remembering your weekends is fun. I don't have a problem with social drinking, but the whole notion of drinking purely to get wasted is beyond me I guess. I dunno. Honestly I don't think I've ever met someone that I've had more fun with when they're high/drunk/whatever than when they're sober.

Overall I just hate that as a college student there's sort of an expectation for me to go to parties and get wasted and hook up with drunk chicks and get high. I'm just not interested in it, honestly. I'm comfortable with who I am. I don't look down on anyone who does drink or smoke though, I know people don't believe me and my above words may seem contrary to that, but it's true. I have plenty of friends that are complete stoners and party kids and haha hey, it's cool, I respect their choices, just not my particular thing y'know? I'm a lot less serious about it than most people I think, and I can't stand when people degrade others for choosing to drink, do drugs, etc, or even worse, when they literally think they're better than others for not doing so. So dumb.

Worldview.

I was just talking to Kim about college and travel and stuff. Don't get me wrong; I've enjoyed college a lot so far. My classes are usually fairly interesting, but at the same time the schedule can get monotonous. Every day, it's basically wake up, class, eat, class, work, class, eat, hang out for a little, work, sleep. Rinse and repeat. Of course that can change, there's exciting stuff going on down here all the time, but overall that's the main core structure of the college experience. Sometimes, I wish I had no financial ties to the school or my parents or anything, so I could just get off my bed, pack a bag, walk out the door, get in my car, and go wherever the road takes me. Or, even better, go (with the significant other preferably), get on a plane, and get lost in Europe for awhile. I would love that, no obligations, a completely new place with new culture and and new societal standards, and spending time with someone I care about....a sort of blank slate so to speak. You'd come back to "real life" benefitting in a lot of ways probably also; a more complete worldview, an appreciation of different cultures, not to mention the memories and stuff.

Sigh. One can dream.

This place looks rad.

College update.

So I'm finally on my first college break(ish) at VCU. Well they're technically called "reading days" where you're supposed to study, but everyone uses it as a break to either go back home or hang out. Overall, thinking back on the past month and a half or so that I've been in school, I've had a pretty good time. VCU's definitely a cool school. There's a ton of clubs/events going on all the time, like on any given day you can walk outside and see, for example, salsa dancing going on in the commons, or an impromptu hip hop dance party out in the Commons Plaza, all school affiliated. It really is hard to be bored here. I also just like being in Richmond, I mean if there's not something going on at VCU, me and my friends can just start walking in any given direction and be somewhere fun. We go to Rumors a lot, always down to The Warehouse to hang out or see shows, go down to the canal/Shockoe Bottom, play music outside in Monroe Park, down West Grace to chill at Strange Matter or go to 711, or go to Kirsten or Ryan's apartments, which are always fun. That and we've all been getting into biking, which is way fun. Classes have been fairly challenging, but not unmaneagable (also has to do with my fairly easy schedule time wise).

However, there's some things that I'm not really into here either. First off, there's a ton of distractions. Sometimes it's hard to seperate onesself down here from social time and hit the books, or at least it is for me. I need to work on that. Also, there's sort of a lack of unity here. Because there's so much going on, people are all over the place and out at different hours...it's hard to necessarily get to know the people on your floor, not to mention there are no dorm events organized, which is both a pro and a con. Independence; cool...lack of social events with floor mates; lame. Same thing goes with the huge classes, it's hard to make new friends. I'm lucky that I've got a big group of friends that I know from hardcore shows/through other friends/from high school. It just doesn't really feel like college sort of, I mean it does, but to me at least it's more like a big fun hang out session downtown with classes thrown into the mix, which is cool but I guess not traditional.

Overall, I kinda wish I was away at school, but at the same time I like being in Richmond. I'm putting in a transfer app for JMU, which definitely has the college feel I'm looking for, and is a better school in general not to mention a couple of other benefits. I guess we'll just have to see where the road takes me.

Stuff That Scares Me

Nuclear holocaust. Being mugged/jumped. Detached retinas. When you momentarily have a blind spot before a migraine. Turbulence on planes. If when you die you found that there's nothing, but you were conscious of time passing, so basically you're self aware in darkness forever. Losing family members. Paralysis. Being alone. Letting people down. Being left by people I care about. The deep ocean. The Bloop (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bloop). Legit exorcisms (if they're real, which I'm inclined to believe they are maybe). Being a failure. The feeling when you expect there to be another stair but there's not.

All I can think of at the moment. Yeah. Scary stuff.

Are You Straight Edge? N-n-nooo....

This weekend was awesome.

Friday: Basically just finished up classes and hung out with friends at Ryan's apartment/around downtown for most of the day and night, which was a lot of fun, even though some people in our group were retarded and got picked up by the cops for shoplifting at 711. Definitely worth being arrested for stealing hot chocolate....not. Haha. Later that night we all went to see Battlemaster, which is always a hilarious/fun experience. Ski Mask Mosh 2010. After that, I left them and went to Waffle House (a common experience over the weekend) to see Kim and Kathryn and that whole crew, which is always fun.


Saturday: Lunch with Elizabeth/Alex/Kim/Carlton/Mrs. Seward haha, that was cool. Then Maymont double date which was noice, got some ridiculous myspace quality pictures of myself and Kim...hahaha. Later that night we went to Blood Lake, which turned out to be cool, minus the lame forest walk at the end. Highlight of the evening: "I WANT YOU!" "I WANT YOU!" "Hey dude I'm gonna scare your girlfriend again.....I WANT YOUUUUUU!" *Cue Kim's screams*


Sunday: EDGE DAY. Haha this was awesome. Originally I didn't think Kim was gonna make it to the show, which I was kinda bummed about, but then she called me up and our plans were back on. We ate at The Village then headed down to the warehouse. It was a pretty good show, all the bands put on good sets, Foundation and Cast Aside in particular. I was more excited though to see Kim there haha, she seemed a little...nervous and perhaps felt sorta out of place haha but turns out she enjoyed it! Who woulda thought that. Overall a really good day.
Really good weekend. It was great seeing a bunch of different groups of friends, getting to spend time with Kim for the second weekend in a row, and just doing fun stuff.

Happy.

Been busy!

This past weekend was awesome. After a month (maybe a little more actually? I dunno) of not seeing Kim I finally was able to go pick her up and she visited Richmond for the weekend. It was just a really good weekend all around...we did a bunch of stuff, walked down to the Folk Festival, got creeped on by sketchy dudes who literally followed us for blocks, checked out some cool stores in shockoe bottom, went to Halloscream, got scared by bees in cars, rode roller coasters at night, Waffle House visits with my friends and Meghan, walked in Cary Town, and just got to talk a lot. It was weird, I had almost sort of forgotten what it was like to be with her and this weekend reminded me of how happy I feel when I am. Plus I get to see her some this weekend too! Taking her to a show....muahaha. But yeah. Lucky guy right hurr.

School's been good this week too. Got some decent grades on midterms, and hanging out with my friends down here is always fun. Last night me and some buddies went on a 15ish mile bike ride all around the city, it was great, I love bike riding especially down here. Except the almost getting hit by cars part when my friends ran red lights and I was following them. But anyways yeah, I think some of us are gonna try and join the cycling club, but that means I'm gonna have to start building a bike, which is gonna be costly...sigh.

Overall a really good weekend and everything's looking up. Good mood.

Seeing her today and this whole weekend :)
Well. If I don't crash on the highway. Or get lost again.

Gone.

Sometimes I wanna just grab a backpack, a few changes of clothes, a little money, and just walk as far as I can away from everything. Take a solid week and just see where I end up, walking/hitching/sightseeing during the day and camping out or squatting at night, maybe ride the rails a little too. I'm sure you'd see some crazy stuff, certainly different parts of America and aspects of society that few see. Perhaps a little dangerous at times too but hey, that's life.

And, as always, something I've always wanted to do is just spend a solid month or so in Europe. I'd go there with a friend/girlfriend and only carry a backpack and a little money, same as the other trip, and I guess a credit card for emergencies. Maybe arrive in like Spain or something, and just go wherever, not having a plan or set route. Probably need to get odd jobs here and there to make money for food and stuff, and rely on strangers often. I mean c'mon, how awesome would that be? You'd see so many unique things and get a much different and more genuine experience than most foreign travelers receive...I feel like in going about it that way you'd see the country and culture in it's "distilled" form so to speak. Someday.

Alone.

Every once and awhile, it's nice to just have some alone time. And I don't mean necessarily cutting yourself off from everything/everyone, I think you can be alone even in a city setting, anonymity is just as isolating. I was feeling kinda stressed about school the other night and missing the missus, so I just got up and out of my dorm and started walking. It was awesome. It was lightly raining (at first at least), chilly, and like 12am so no one was out on the street. I just kinda walked aimlessly down Grace Street to Cary then started walking down towards the Bottom...it was nice, just walking in the rain and looking at the big city buildings and lights but with no one around and barely any cars on the road. Times like that I really love being in Richmond. It was peaceful, which can be welcome in the busy college environment.


On a more exciting/happy note, I get to see Kim this weekend!!! It's been a whole month, which hasn't been easy, but now I get to see her for two weekends in a row, which I'm really excited about. And then soon enough it'll be Thanksgiving break, then Winter break, and I'll see her again for even longer. Ah. Good mood, things are looking bright.

Best thing for a down mood.

Lucky.

^^^ Maybe not quite that happy, I mean look at that lil guy, but still, definitely happy tonight.

I can talk to her for 5 hours about anything. I'm sitting out on my porch, not quite ready for sleep yet, and I dunno, I just find myself fortunate and amazed that someone cares about me and what I say like that, and that I'm just happy, maybe a touch melancholy because I haven't spent time with her in awhile, but still.

Night.

Left Behind

I always feel I have to keep up a facade for others. I listen to everyone's problems and try to help but no one listens back and does the same, I change plans to hang with people, they won't do it for me, the list goes onward. I'm probably just in a bad mood about this but it feels better to lay it all out on the table.

Edit: Tonight was awesome. Haha. Sorry for the negativity earlier, the two people that read this and were probably like wow...my boyfriend/friend is a freak. :)

Over the Years

Thinking about how I've changed over time. Long post, probably no one will read it, but eh, I feel like writing, it's 2:52am and I'm not sleepy so what else am I gonna do?

Elementary: Honestly, as elementary school kids go, and in the elementary social hierarchy, I was a pretty cool kid. I wasn't a really athletic kid, I mean I was skinny and stuff but just skinny, not athletic skinny, and I didn't excel at sports. I really didn't do all that much to differentiate myself, but then again, unless you're involved in sports, at that age, what else do you do? You're not physically developed enough to play music, you can't do stuff alone, so you basically just go to school and go on play dates with friends. I guess in elementary school everyone sort of belongs to a homogeneous group more or less. Anyways, I was one of the kids who I guess everyone liked more or less, not sure why, but I was; I got voted the "Most Friendly" and "Most Liked" at the 5th grade assembly and stuff haha. Not too much more to say here.

Middle: I changed a lot in middle. Sixth grade I was still the generic child, trying to carve out my own niche in the social strata. I remember hanging out with a pretty diverse group too, lil bit of everyone. I was never one of the preppy popular kids though, but then again that crowd never impressed me, so I never tried to be one of their friends. Eventually, towards the end of that year, I started gravitating a little towards the more music oriented kids, thanks to my best friend at the time (and still), Grayson, and also Ian Hurdle. Seventh grade, I started thinking more of how I dressed, started wearing some band shirts and whatnot, and I think that's when I started playing guitar and again continued hanging out more with musically oriented people, but that's just because of my preexisting friends, and I never got cliquish; I'd be friends with anyone. 8th grade was more of the same I think. Only thing then was me becoming a little more mature and I think starting to pay a lot more attention to girls.

Highschool: Highschool is where it all came together I guess. Freshman year I kinda dressed more preppy, wanting to fit in with the majority of people, y'know, not trying to alienate myself in any way in the beginning. I can't really remember freshman year, except for not being very self confident, I still made friends and stuff but I was a little more quiet. Sophomore year, same thing. Made friends and hung out with the usual people, but I had a fairly small and tight knit group of friends and didn't really try to branch out. Still a little reserved and serious, I didn't act myself at school or with a lot of people I guess. Also that year I had my first girlfriend(ish), so I suppose that made me mature some. Junior year I feel I started to come into my own a little. I was more social and made more friends and was more busy than ever, but still not quite as confident in myself, I feel like I judged myself a lot and was self depreciating often.

Senior year was awesome, and I feel like I finally found myself so to speak, sounds cliche, but eh, it's fairly accurate. I started regularly going to hardcore shows that year, I mean I had gone off and on since sophomore year, but I really got into the music and started making friends within that scene. I also made friends with a bunch of kids in the grade below that year, and of course within my own grade, so that boosted my self confidence, and I dunno, I guess I realized hey, if people don't like who I am, I don't need them y'know?? So I started acting like my goofy, awkward self all the time more or less, and I think that's come across to others, hopefully in a positive way. I think I also started actually caring about myself in terms of how I dressed and presented myself to others, lost some weight, started trying to be more presentable in general. I also, through relationships, learned a lot about myself and who I am, and matured more in that sense, and discovered who and what actually makes me happy.

College has just started, and I don't feel too different from senior year, just more self sufficient and mature I guess. Also doing my best to make a long distance relationship has helped me mature in some ways too...it's difficult, but it's something that's really important to me of course, so I think it's helped teach me the value of working hard towards your goals, in a different sense than most get that from.

Long read. If you actually made your way through that probably illogical nonsense above, you should probably pat yourself on the back haha. But yeah. I guess I've changed a fair amount over the years, but in a direction I'm happy with I think, and I'm fairly comfortable with who I am.

FALL

Today really felt like the first day of fall for me here at VCU.

I love the fall, the winter's pretty good too but honestly, c'mon, the fall has everything. It's just cold enough to get to wear hoodies and flannel, but not like bitterly cold. It has those crisp, clear days with no clouds that are blindingly bright but perfect, especially at night, walking at night in the fall especially in the city is one of my favorite things to do, like down at the river or wherever. Awesome. It also has those kinda bleary rainy overcast days, which in a way I like, perfect for just chilling inside, putting on a movie or some tunes, sipping coffee, and zoning out. Plus you've got Halloween which is always good, Thanksgiving (turkey, nuff said. Fun fact: turkey has triptophan in it, which is also in some date rape drugs and sleep medicine.) is always great, and plus you know in the back of your mind that in a month it's Christmas, which is hands down the best time of year. Also, this is the first year where I have someone to spend time in the fall with, which I'm excited about, not sure exactly why, it's just nice to be outside and go on walks and stuff with someone you care about. Hopefully I'll see her a little more often and get to share some of these experiences :)

I love that my parents don't have faith in me. Fuck it.

Yo Sucka You Gotta Big Mouth!

Today was good. My classes were interesting, English especially this morning was good...I kinda like having that class, it's really laid back and it's nice having a small class where I get to interact with others, hard to do that in a class with 425 other people y'know? Then I had international relations, which is always fun, the professor's hilarious, and the content is legitimately interesting. Then I got to see Kim open my package :D which was funny haha...it's been 3 weeks since I've seen her and looking like it's gonna be another 2 before I finally get to, which sucks. But we've always been very talkative which helps, I just miss her a lot though. After that and a boring stats class, I met up with a bunch of friends at Shafer, and we all rolled out to Strange Matter soon after, a bar/venue on West Grace, chill place. We met up with like 15 other people in the parking lot there and just hung out for awhile. Eventually...aka at 12:45am POA finally played haha, it was worth the wait though. I got to tell dumb jokes with Stewart on stage too which is always a plus.

"So there's two whales in the sea. One whale says 'hurrurururur', what does the other say? 'Hurruururururur'" Haha awful.

Anyways it was a really good set. They covered "Big Mouth" as always, which was great, even though I got tagged in the face with the microphone courtesy of Reid. Potential bruise. Eh. Worth it, we all went nuts during it haha, scared a few people back a few feet ;)

Overall a really fun day.

Blahhhh.

Weird mood. Feeling self depreciating, dunno why. Sometimes I feel I can't do things right. I know I have to work but can't feel motivated enough to do so. I think I picked the wrong major. Insignificant nonsense bothers me, which is lame. I overanalyze. People don't seem to care. Tired of being sick/shitty immune system, even though I am feeling better, which is good. Blah. Maybe i'm just overtired haha, I suppose 7 or so hours of sleep over three days can do that to you. Anyways, just gotta think positive, grit my teeth and deal with it. Cry myself a river, build myself a bridge, and get over it by myself. Well. Minus the crying. That's kinda extreme. And building a bridge would require math, and i'm not a math fan. Speaking of math, I need to go study. Peace.

Also sorry for this emo-esque post. I'm not feeling exactly unhappy, just...down. I dunno.

Richmond's Finest

Over the years, I've had both good and bad impressions of the police in Henrico/Richmond. I'm not one of the people sporting ACAB tattoos or crusading against the police; I understand their purpose. However, the way they go about handling the most mundane of events and manage their time honestly blows my mind at times. Tonight, me and my friends were sitting on the Frankling Street wall across from the dorms, just hanging out and minding our own business and talking. A bike cop came up, got off his bike, and proceeded to yell at us for literally 10 to 15 minutes. This bothered me for a few reasons. First off, a simple "get off the wall" would have sufficed, still stupid because we were just sitting there and not doing anything, but okay. Fair enough. Second, the way he clearly thought himself to be leagues better than all of us bothered me. I don't like when people in positions of power like that have a huge feeling of entitlement and authority, other than the badge and gun, they're the same as us. Not to mention he looked like he was maybe only a couple years older than the youngest of us, and to have someone practically my own age yell at and speak down to me over nothing isn't fun or reasonable. Also, some other things I saw that night really put this in perspective. Me and Stewart and Michael had walked down to Shockoe Bottom and the canal earlier in the evening, and down there we saw: an obvious drug deal in the parking lot of a 711, like the guy straight up walked over to a car and we saw him stuffing bags in his pockets; numerous people publically drunk and yelling; obvious drunk drivers swerving all over the road; people buying (if that's the right word haha) prostitutes for the night and prostitutes hanging out on corners and whatnot. Instead of patrolling the city for real problems such as these, police chose to hassle us for sitting on a wall and talking. Not to mention I saw police yelling at other kids around the dorms for walking through Monroe Park and other insignificant things. I understand a need for order, but aren't their bigger issues at hand on a saturday night in a city? Interesting.

Chill

Yesterday was a good day. Aside from still trying to fight off pneumonia, I had fun! My classes, english and international relations, are probably my two favorite, so that was chill. In between and during the afternoon I just hung out with my friends and got a little homework done, nothing major. Later in the evening I dropped off my stats homework, then me and Mike and Stewart walked down to The Warehouse, a solid 30 minute walk, which is always pretty fun, just talking about random guy stuff and helping old black ladies push their cars down the street, no biggie. Once we got there, we were kinda suprised, the bands playing should have garnered more of a crowd, but it was a pretty small show. This turned out to be a good thing actually, everyone there was friends with each other more or less, so it just was kinda a big hangout session outside plus the bands playing. Late show, we ended up leaving at like 11:30ish, but it was fun just being with friends. After getting back to VCU me Stewart and Mike hung out in Monroe Park till 12 something and just talked for awhile. Good times.

Houses and Billboards

This song makes me happy. Kinda embodies how I feel tonight for some reason...just the kinda song you wanna hear when you're out sitting on your porch thinking y'know? Especially the slow part at the end. I love Saves the Day. But anyways, this weekend was good. I've been sick with pneumonia, and had a pretty rough week because of that, and wasn't really able to do much this weekend, kinda just sat around at home and played games, the only thing I did honestly was meet up with some hardcore buddies for dinner today at this awesome burritto place, which was cool. However, it was a certain someone that really helped this weekend...it's just pretty awesome having someone who really cares, even from 2 hours away. She could be doing anything else but she's always taken the time to talk to me, and that's amazing to me, I consider myself lucky everyday, considering I'm not always the easiest person to get along with I don't think. Just a good mood :)

Things I Enjoy (v2)
Goldfish (the snack, the fish itself is sorta a bland kinda animal). Chinese food. Burrito Panfilo. Driving on the highway at night playing loud music by yourself. Droning guitar lines. The sound of feedback and tension before a band plays. Stagedives. Being toppled over by waves. Ludens cough drops. Asphalt mirages. Crunchy leaves. Crackling flame. Speaking one's opinion. Cigar smoke. Long phone conversations. Feeling cared about. Catching someone you care about looking at you when you're sleeping. Sleeping. Worn out shoes. Vinyl. Eating vegan but not being vegan. Looking up at the stars every once and awhile (i know, cliched). Good hugs. Sarcasm. A sense of history in a place.

Things I Don't Enjoy
Being ditched. Bad internet connections. Too much chocolate in chocolate milk (should be just a touch, no homo). Okra. Affliction brand clothing. Faux hawks. Pretenciousness. When you feel like you've still gotta pee a little but you can't make it happen. Too large pants. Loud chewing. Wet chewing...ugh. Grudges over inconsequential things. Losing touch. Sloppy drunks/people who can't have fun without being out of it. Tough guy posturing. Looking down at others legitimate beliefs. People wearing tank tops that shouldn't due to moobage. When you get things caught in your teeth. Brain freeze. Throat freeze, even worse. Missing a step you've prepared for on a staircase. Sinking feelings in your stomach. Worrying.

Things I Would Like to Do
Travel everywhere. Publish a book. Have an album pressed, even if it's self produced. Actually start playing shows. Stop worrying about stupid things. Transfer. Stop getting down on myself sometimes. STOP BEING SICK. Learn how to play piano. Become a better guitar player. Gain some muscle. Ride on a ride on lawnmower. Read more often. Reach out more often. Be more understanding about things/a better friend/less aggravating/less judgemental.

This past week/weekend was purty awesome. School was...school. Fun. Hanging out with people, little work here and there, stuff like that. Thursday I saw Cruel Hand and Trapped Under Ice, which was awesome, even though I left with a good ole concussion and numerous bruises. Over the weekend I finally got to go up and visit Kim at JMU, which was really fun I must say. We just kind of hung out and chilled and talked, which was nice. Of course, knowing myself, I ended up being sick, which was annoying to all parties, and I felt bad because it was my first time seeing her in 3 weeks and I wasn't able to do some stuff because I was coughing up a storm and whatnot (turns out I have bronchitis, what else is new). Oh well. Next time. She was nice enough to stay with me though even when she had much better options that woulda been more fun...I'm a lucky hombre. Hopefully I'll get to see her again sooner rather than later, though she's got a purty busy schedule and I guess I kind of do too...sigh. Guess that's just one of the changes college brings, among other things. Anyways, definitely a good weekend, even though I was a Debbie Downer with being sick.

It's amazing having someone who can always make you feel happier, even when you're not with them.

By the Wayside

Nevermind, it's a new week, trying to think happy :) just was in a terrible mood this past weekend, jealous about things I shouldn't have been, some friends slighted me I think, I felt kinda alone in that sense, and I was just mad feeling in general, not sure why...guess it was my time of the month. Haha eww. Plus I didn't feel very well this weekend, which probably amplified things. But I hate feeling mad like that, and I feel like I took it out on some people, which I definitely didn't mean to do or anything like that. That and I'm not good at letting people know how I feel I guess? I don't know. I feel like a loser complaining like this. But. It's a new week, hopefully I can turn things around.

Today's show was so good, the Back to School Jam has always rocked. Only bad part was Down to Nothing didn't play as usual, but still, Fire & Ice and Rival Mob killed it, just a great night with really cool people and good friends, banged up and bruised but still.

Overall a mixed weekend emotion wise I guess. On one hand the show rocked, that was really fun, and going to Belle Isle with a bunch of people was fun too the other day, gotta say, not too many places that you get to see Wiccan/Satanic meeting sites, abandoned buildings, historical areas, and a river all in one. Other non happy stuff is covered above.

What

Could possibly go right?

Today sucked. Just one of those days were absolutely nothing goes your way. Frustrated, tired, bummed out, and not feeling good, awesome combination. Actually Belle Isle was pretty fun but other than that, nah. Whatever, tomorrow's a new day, going to a fun show with a bunch of friends, that'll be good.

College.

Haven't done one of these in awhile. Just been busy and stuff I guess. Did a ton of stuff this week, saw a friends band and got to hang out with a bunch of awesome dudes from NY whose bands also played, this was on Sunday I think. That was really fun, just a chill night with cool new people. Since then I've just been hanging out with my friends, went to Ryan's apartment, jammed out there and met some cool bike punk guys and gals, got lost in Midlothian somehow haha, got the cops called on us when we were hanging with some hardcore kids in Shafer Court, checked out a bunch of awesome stores, wrote music for my new band with Stewart, got yelled at by a crazy homeless man, got a classy 50's style haircut, just stuff like that. I've been having a good time at college so far, meeting lots of cool people and whatnot.

At the same time though, it's been pretty tough. I miss her a lot...I know I'm only 2 hours away and it's only been a little over a week but still, it sucks, because she's both my girlfriend and my best female friend, so it's been rough. I just miss all the little things, going on adventures downtown...spinning around on the tire swings till we got sick...going to the art museum and making fun of the paintings and picking up weird metal stick things...doing my stupid accents with her...slinkies...eating whole donuts...laughing all the time at everything haha...this summer was awesome, and she had a lot to do with that. I hate the fact that I can't be there when she's unhappy, and just to be able to tell her whatever and experience things with her. Sigh. But. Hopefully I'll get to visit soon, and eventually maybe I'll end up at JMU, I've gotta step my academic game up for that though, which I'm working hard to do.

:/

I

Out.

Confused, mad, I'm gone. Night driving time.

That actually helped a lot. Just in a weird/bad mood, randomly felt pretty upset. My roommate had a lot to do with it, and just other stuff. I don't want things/people/friends to change I guess. Sigh. Good day otherwise.

College.

The past two days.

Wednesday: Woke up early (feeling like P.Diddy, well not really, I doubt P.Diddy is tired and all unkempt in the morning), hung out at Shafer and had some vegan eats with Stewart. Gotta say, SmartDogs are delicious. Aftewards we just chilled and hung around Monroe Park and walked around Richmond, until we met up with some of Stewart's dormmates who wanted to hit up the Deadbeat/Heathens show that night at The Warehouse. Me, Stewart, Mike, and about 7 other guys and girls walked down there, gotta say, Deadbeat was awesome, even with some idiots there. Aftewards, we walked back, and hung out with Ian for awhile, but had to leave to let him "watch some movies" with his gf hahaha, so we went out and met up with Tres and played with knives and whatnot, then I just came back and crashed.

Today: Woke up really early for my first class, Mass Comm. Huge class, 180 kids, but it was cool, I kinda like that for the mornings at least, honestly at 9:00 i'm not trying to be extremely active, I just wanna chill and absorb the material. Anyways, I ended up picking up Ricardo and Ben, and we (plus Stewart) walked through the ghetto (crackpipes on the ground, toilets on the sidewalk) to get to Vinyl Conflict, which is an awesome punk oriented records store. Well worth the...interesting...trip.We met up with some other friends after and chilled at Shafer Court and ate at some sweeeeet Mexican place, best burritos. After I met for a stats class, we hung out in The Underground (VCU chill spot in the commons), headed down to Cary Town, then ate at Shafer later. Finally I was able to drop some laundry at home which was nice haha (muchas gracias to my mom for doing it for me).

To summarize: College = fun. New friends = fun. Shows = fun. Classes = bearable. Missing girlfriend = :( Missing other friends = :(

Day 2.

Busy day to say the least. Woke up late at like 11ish, and had to head home to pick up some final stuff, still gotta pick up my guitar but that's not a big deal. After I got back to VCU, me, Stewart, Mike, and Josh hung out for awhile. We ended up skipping out on freshman convocation haha, good start to school right? We had fun though, hit up 711 (we've already been there like...5 times in two days), got some sweet punk shirts at Rumors, then me, Stewart, and Mike met up with Tres and some of his friends and saw Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. 2nd time i've seen it, still awesome. After that me, Stewart and Mike hit up EXTREME PIZZA. Actually it might be spelled XTREME. How cool is that. The pizza is decent too, no vegan stuff though, which is a bummer. After that we just walked around Richmond for awhile, checked out the Cary Street Gym (awesomeeee) then ended up going to a party at Kirsten's apartment on Grace street. Stuff got a lil crazy to say the least, and we ended up leaving after a few hours, not tryin' to get in trouble y'know? At around midnightish, we ended up running into a gang of hardcore edge kids just chillin' and heckling kids around Shafer Court. They noticed out band shirts and called us over, and we made some new friends which is cool. Now I'm just chillin' in my room. Definitely a good day.

Other than that, all I really have to say is that while I'm having fun, college still is bittersweet. I miss my girlfriend a lot. Sucks that I can't just say "Hey, wanna hang out?". But, we'll make it work. I look forward to visiting her and partying it up at JMU haha. I miss all my friends who've moved on too, and even though I'm 30 minutes away, I miss my home and stuff. People assume that just because I'm still in Richmond that I don't have the same sort of transition, but I really do. Yeah it's close, but it's still tough getting used to living on your own and being self sufficient, to some degree at least.

First Day in College

Well today was my first legit day on campus. Class doesn't start till thursday, but today's the first day i've been here all day and I'm finally sleeping in my dorm. I got here fairly early this morning, and just hung out with Josh for awhile and listened to music and played some games and whatnot in the dorm. Met one of my suitemates, Ricky, cool dude f'sho, and I'm diggin' his beard. This afternoon me and Josh met up with our friend Taylor and one of his amigos and we rolled down to Shockoe Bottom and checked out some sketch head shop that Taylor was interested in haha...it was...alternative. Not exactly my thing but it was fun and I got a cool tshirt out of it at least. Aftewards me and Josh met up with Michael and we ate at Shaffer Court for the first time. Suprisingly, my meal of jalapeno hot dogs, chicken, and mashed potatoes was actually pretty good. Sounds pretty unhealthy, but I think I worked it off. Me, Stewart, and Michael took a 6 or 7 mile walk down to the canal and just chilled by Brown's Isle for awhile and talked guy stuff, it was really fun. We came back, checked out a vegan pizza joint, then chilled back at Shaffer in the courtyard for awhile. Now I'm back in my dorm, just hangin', getting mad at the kids next door and stuff, good stuff.



Still considering transferring, I'm gonna apply at least to JMU, but today was fun on the most part f'sho.

Sigh.

I hate/suck at goodbyes. I'm gonna miss her.

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Tomorrow I will officially be a college student. At 2pm I'm heading down to VCU and moving in to my dorm, not staying there until Monday though until everyone else moves in, but still. I'm excited but nervous also about making friends and finding my classes and stuff, but it'll be okay and hopefully everything will pan out.

In other news, the past few days have been awesome. My birthday was great, spent time with a bunch of close friends, and played music. Good times right there as always. I've gotten to hang out with my girlfriend a lot the past couple days also, which has been awesome. She gave me seriously an amazing birthday present, a DVD of a bunch of my friends and her friends telling about what they think about me and stuff. It really meant a lot to me, especially with a bunch of those friends moving away for school and stuff. That day we met up with Gray's family and went to Texas de Brazil...Kim in particular fit in really well in the fancy restaurant atmosphere, especially when tongs came into play. Today was great too, spent most of the day downtown, picked up my college books, checked out some hipster stores, had awesome pizza at Bottom's Up, and walked around, it was really fun! Then tonight we just hung out and watched movies and had ice cream and talked, which is always good especially with her...I'm gonna miss her, we're still dating in college and I'll see her on breaks and when she wants me to visit, but still.

On a more somber note, I had to say bye to Gray, which was pretty sad to be honest. He's been such a good friend since I first met him in middle school. I feel bad, I kinda take him for granted sometimes I think because he lives right next door, but I'm really gonna miss him. I also had to say bye to my friend Kathryn, which was a bummer too. I didn't see her as much as I had hoped this summer, which was lame but still we had some good times, and she was thoughtful enough to write me a letter for my birthday which was awesome, definitely gonna be pen pals in college haha. Goodbyes always suck.

A day in the life.

Me and Ricardo armwrestling^

Haha nevermind, editing the original post. Not mad anymore, originally thought I was missing out on hanging out (at a fairly reasonable time) and seeing a friend before she goes off to college, which I am I guess, and I'm bummed about that, but I guess my mom not wanting me leaving at 3am is fairly understandable now haha.

Overall the past couple of days have been fun. Yesterday I hung out with Kim, Ricardo, Kosta, Dylan, and Tucker, which was really cool. We all went to Ricardo's restaurant and caused a ruckus and laughed at Tucker's creepy wallet picture, watched some Dexter in La Casa de Diablo (Ricardo's house is freakin' hot), had Brusters, and then just hung out at my house and danced/moshed, listened to tunes, had an arm wrestling contest, played trust, had my toe cut open, got some tats....all in all a good day with good friends. Today was more chill but still fun. Did nothing pretty much all day other than taking care of some college stuff, then tonight I hung out with Kosta, Ricardo, and Gray. We just hung out, watched movies, got some interesting texts, and talked about girls, food, fatness, fighting, the future...a good bro-out day.

Good times. I'm gonna turn 19 in a couple days which I guess is cool, but overshadowed by me feeling kinda bummed about everyone moving off to school and the general hustle and bustle and melancholy of the end of the summer. I'm excited but at the same time I'm going to miss people and the way things are. It'll all work out I suppose.

I can't do anything right.

A day.

Today turned out to be fun. Had an eye exam this morning (whaddaya know, my vision still sucks), ended up getting some snazzy Ray Ban specs though, so it's all good. Just kinda chilled this afternoon, which was nice I guess. Tonight I went to see my friends band, Envoy to the Open Fields, which turned out to be a fail because I was late and missed them. However I got to check out Groove Juice, which was an awesome jam band. Such good musicians. Afterwards, I raced around with Josh for awhile, then met up with some friends at Chipotle. Pretty much it, just headed home and chilled after. Decent day.

Burn my bridges.

You know what annoys me? People with an unjust sense of entitlement. I don't care who it is, or what station in life they occupy. You come into this world the same as everyone else, kicking and screaming and with no dignity. Funny how people forget that as soon as they accomplish something or rise to a position that society has deemed to be powerful or respectable. This can be an issue with police officers, thinking a uniform makes them better than those they serve, lawmakers, politicians, teachers, whoever. Entitlement can cause problems even on smaller levels though. People take things for granted, like friendship for instance, and feel that they're entitled to being treated nicely, even as they walk over you, because of a history the two of you share. Funny stuff. Had a person who I used to call a friend run into me tonight, and he later messed with my car, which isn't really a big deal, but then made fun of my friends and who I was with, and somehow felt angry when I told him off. Apparently he felt entitled to a kind response even though he didn't dignify me with even a civil one. Really frustrating stuff, left me wanting to hit something.

Sorry. Deep breaths. I don't usually get mad.


Otherwise, it was a pretty good day; got college shopping finally all done, hung out with a few good friends, watched a good movie, cruised around, went to Waffle House...fun stuff.

Memorable.

Why this picture you may ask? Because 1) this is a happy looking, content kid. Both of em actually. And besides a couple things I've been a happy, content kid this week. 2) the name of the website where it apparently originates makes me laugh. Also the kid looks like he has twine around his arms. Twined sausages.

Busy week so far.


Monday: Band practice with Will and Grayson, then sleep over/almost wing challenge/stand up comedy with Will and Gray. Good times, chill day.


Tuesday: BEACH STYLE BAYBAY. Richmond hardcore reppin' it at VA beach. Sand mosh. Traffic two steps. Awesome POA/Tiger's Jaw show that night too. One of the best days this summer for me.


Wednesday: Slept in really late, lunch with mi madre, helped set up and threw down at the Pushing On/CCP/Deadbeat show that night. Small, rough group of people there but still fun. Hang out at the Village Cafe with Ian and Grayson afterwards.


Thursday: Busch Gardens with Kim and Ricardo, awesome. Rode all of the good stuff cept Apollo's Chariot (thanks rain and lightning). Bottom's Up afterwards mmmmm, then hanging out at Ricardo's.


Friday: Really relaxed day, which was nice. Just hung around at home, wrote some tunes and talked with Grayson later on for a little bit, but mainly just chillin'. Kinda needed a day to rest, it was good.


Saturday (today): Got to hang out with Kim, which is always good, we've both been kinda busy this week and haven't seen each other all that much. We just goofed around, gorged ourselves on mexican food and ice cream, almost saw Inception again hahaha, and watched some movies. Really good day as always with her...I always say this but I'm seriously fortunate to have someone like her, not to sound sappy, but yeah, just saying.


This sums up today:


Eric: He's searching for her pot of gold right now...
Kim: Eww Eric you're disgusting!
Eric: What!? What'd I do?
Kim: What you just said!
Eric: Huh?...So? I didn't say anything!


Fits of laughter.


Really awesome week, seriously.

BEACH STYLE

Outrageous fun. Me and about 18 - 20 other friends all rolled down to Virginia Beach today, both to just chill at the actual beach and support POA at a show with Man Overboard, Averman, and Tiger's Jaw. We took 4 cars down, and of course I was a driver, and as should be expected, I got myself lost on the way to VB, but managed to catch up with everyone else quickly, so it was no biggie. Not too bad of a drive honestly, even with my friend Alex peeing in a gatorade bottle and throwing it at a truck. Once we got there we shotgunned some Arnold Palmer, played with knives, and two stepped in traffic, typical stuff, then headed down to the beach. Really nice day to be at the beach, plenty of waves, sunny, not too hot. We all swam and rode the party waves and played football and stuff, good times.

Afterwards we pool hopped to clean off, then went down to some pizza place. Really good food, maybe just cause I was starving but still. Next the whole group headed down to Skate High for the show (we barely made it, speeding through VA Beach kinda sucks but we had to make it on time). Cool venue, it's basically a pretty big indoor skatepark with a stage set up. After we helped POA set up, they played; really really good set, and everyone in our group threw down, pretty awesome. The other bands that came after were awesome too, Tiger's Jaw in particular was great.

After the show, everyone helped pack up, we hit up Mickey D's, and headed home. The ride home sucked, 50 minutes at least in stop and go traffic, awful. That and I could barely keep my eyes open, big thanks to Taylor Swift and Akron Family and Arnold Palmer for keeping me up.

Overall one of the best days I've had this summer. Can't go wrong with a day of beaching it up with friends, punk, and general craziness. Awesome.

Downer/Upper/Whatever

Picture completely unrelated, anyways...



Downer: Sometimes I suck (that's what she said) at conveying my feelings. I either hold things I feel inside, which I'm getting a lil better at not doing i think, and end up in a bad/frustrated mood because of it, or just mess up trying to explain what I mean. Kinda aggravates me, but hopefully the general intention of what I'm trying to say comes across as planned. Wish I was more eloquent or something...eloquent's not the right word but it's closest to what I mean. Maybe "expressive" is better. Dunno...oh well.


Upper: That's pretty random though, considering I've been really happy all summer more or less. Couple things have bummed me out I guess at one point or another, but that's regular for anyone. The past few weeks in general have been great; honestly this whole summer has been awesome.




Everything's pretty much fallen into place. I'm happy with myself a fair amount of the time, I've been seeing my friends a bunch, made new friends, gone to a bunch of awesome shows, and all of this while being lucky enough to have someone who I can pretty much tell anything, and who honestly seems to care about me and what I have to say, even when I'm being lame or annoying. It's funny; I've known this person for two years, and had basically constant contact with them, but I'm still just as excited and interested everytime I talk to her or we hang out as when we first met...not many people I know who I can hang out with all day then talk on the phone to for hours on end at night and still have plenty to talk about. We've done a ton of awesome things together, and even though we're going to different colleges, we're gonna stay together and try to make it work.

Life is good.

Also, Pho Tay Do. Check it out. Any young whippersnappers looking to take their date to a classy restaurant with 5 Star staff, amazing "fried shrimp/wonton" (read: fingernail/noodle - brain) soup, and clean air with NO SMOKING...NO SMOKING...NO SMOKING (this time, in crayon!) need to look no further than Po Tay Toe. Highly recommended.


Also, last word :)

Today ->

Today was great. Woke up feeling happy and rested (went to bed relatively early, aka 3:30am, pretty amazing I know), found out I had to go lift some heavy stuff to help a family friend move but it was cool. I ended up getting a record player and mini fridge out of it so that was awesome, and I don't mind helping anyways.

Later, Kim came over and we ended up checking out the Museum of Fine Arts down on Boulevard. It was way cool, saw some weird stuff, made fun of paintings/people, found a fine metal rod in the parking lot...huhuhuh. All in all a really good time o' course. Next we headed down to Galaxy, had some deep conversation, laughed at little kids running into doors, got scared by flushing toilets, all that jazz. Typical Galaxy stuff.

After eating we checked out all the swanky houses around there, especially the Ferris Bueller one, that was shweeet. On our way back to the West End we stopped in to see a kinda creepy abandoned shack near Kim's house, which was alternative but cool. Then we went to Deep Run Park and goofed off on the playground there and the "AbstractPlayground", where I managed to make Kim sick from spinning her on the tire swing. Great boyfriend. After that we had a slightly awkward trip to Brusters, headed to Blockbuster, got a chick flick (which was actually good, yeah I said it) and relaxed and talked the rest of the night (in about 15 different accents).

Really good day.

"Dare me to eat the whole thing in one bite?"

Past couple days have been really good on the most part. Yesterday hung out with my girlfriend, dragged her around downtown, got misunderstood at Krispy Kream (...AND THAT'S WHY YOU WORK AT KRISPY KREAM, BITCH."), got down with some Jill Juice, checked out my dorm and ze Warehouse, strolled through the ghetto, drank soda from an old fashioned bottle, ate with my crazy familia, got chased by ducks/failed at attempts to scare office workers at Innsbrook, and watched a...scary...to Kim, at least...movie and Ferris Bueller TWISTTT AND SHOUTTTT. I look like Matthew Broderick. I wish. Really fun day cept for some dude named Tom kept pestering my girlfriend...what a jerk, next time I see him he's gonna get a taste of ole thunder and lightning (my biceps...more like finger snapping noise and spark..but it's the thought that counts right?).

Today was good too, except for some annoying stuff this morning/night but it's all good baby baybuhh. Went college shopping in the afternoon with my mom, it was good, I guess as good as shopping for such things can be. Later I went to my friend Tommy's house with the bro squadron, messed with people's facebooks and such and then ate at China Xpress, which upheld its thusfar unchallenged title of worst Chinese place in Richmond. Overpriced (I mean they even charge for water, how cheap can you get, c'mon), the food pretty much sucks...yet we still keep going there. Pretty much a weird tradition at this point.

Afterwards we went to mi casa, pretty much trashed my room (thanks Ricardo), had quickdraw competitions, then had the bright idea of going to Caliente, the place on Man vs. Food, home of the "Hottest Wings on the East Coast", or so they claim. Me and my man Ben felt cocky enough to challenge that bold claim, and one single measly "Stupid Hot" flavor wing later, it proved to be incredibly accurate. After a few bites I was gagging, my lips felt like they were literally ablaze and my eyes were tearing, and after finishing only one wing I threw in the towel, downed a pitcher of water, puked everything out, got wing sauce in my eyes and could barely see, and still feel sick to my stomach as I type, hours later haha. Whatever. Worth it for the memory. After that I thought I had plans but they fell through, so I was stranded. Thankfully my girlfriend somehow doesn't mind putting up with my incessant annoying banter and comments and kept me company; I'm a lucky guy.

Overall a good couple of days if I do say so myself.

Wish.

Just a few random thoughts. Not meant to be self-pitying or sad or anything of the sort, just a few things I want to try to work on, or wish I had improved over the years. In a thoughtful mood I suppose.

See it's me being thoughtful:

I wish I had tried more in high school. I suppose I'm at the school I want to go to...but I feel like I could have done better, and I would have liked more options. In the end it all boiled down to me not wanting to put in the work, and it kinda sucks looking back and thinking "Wow. I wish I had done what needed to be done." Not to mention my academic failings led to the majority of fights with my parents and stuff like that. Bummer.

I wish I was more religious I suppose. I know it disappoints my mom, I question everything and don't agree with many beliefs in my religion. I suppose it's just part of my personality, I find it difficult to accept things that can't necessarily be proved or seen in action in every day life. I mean I certainly believe in a higher being; the Big Bang Theory makes sense but you have to ask, where did the matter that triggered the Big Bang come from, y'know? But then I look at the world at large, and the current state of affairs in the world. Why would God value me, or say any number of non-believers or criminals over those who died in the Haiti earthquake? Value isn't the right word...I guess why would he spare those who reject or question him, when thousands of probably devout Christians perished in the earthquakes over there? I can't buy the "God wants those most devout close to him" view or anything like that, sorry, but what's gonna happen to their children? Children need parents especially in that part of the world, where drugs, violence, and corruption are so prevalent. I can't see a kind God wanting to subject these children to that without the guidance of parents. I don't know. I look at a bunch of my friends and wish I could have their faith. Maybe it'll hit me when I'm older, maybe not. It's who I am I guess, for good or bad.

I wish I knew what to say in some situations, and how to make people feel better at times. On that note I wish I was a better friend sometimes also.

I wish I had a sense of direction. Actually scratch that, I love getting lost, as long as I guess my life's not in danger haha.

I wish I could grow a legit beard. I mean I can grow a solid neckbeard, it's full to say the least, and my sideburns are things to be reckoned with. Same with my creeper moustache. But on my chin itself and the surrounding area, it's like an arid wasteland, with a few scraggly patches of beard here and there. Oh well looks like I'll never be a lumberjack.

I wish I was more true to myself earlier in life, and I wish I hadn't wasted my time on some things.

And that's all for now folks!