Why can't anything be simple to me? It's weird, honestly. My thought process for a lot of things goes as follows: Someone tells me something, be it fact or opinion, and my mind immediately goes running, processing it in that big ole Hoyt head, seeing if there are holes in it or if it makes sense to me. Now I don't do this for all things, I'm not that bad with it. I can accept a lot of things as fact at face value, and I'll always respect everyone's opinions (to the best of my ability). I just wish for some things, like religion, that I could just accept things with full faith and not have to reason it out. Sigh. Maybe someday.

Happy 4/20

I'm gonna be blunt (pun intended), if you smoke weed, I probably don't like you, and not because of the whole straight edge thing, just because everyone I've ever seen high is just a slow, stupid sounding more boring and less funny version of their true self.

Randomly thought about this. What's the deal with flamboyantly gay people? First off, don't get me wrong, I'm totally down with gay people. I'm friends with a few, and they're completely cool and nice people. However, when a gay person gets way flamboyant with it, then it bugs me. Not because of the way they act, but because of the message behind it. Like, we get it dude, you're gay. Not a big deal, no need to overcompensate or blow it out of proportion. I don't walk around yelling about how I wanna make sweet love to all the ladies or how awesome boobs are, so what's the deal?

Just a random thought.

Know what blows? It's really nice out, spring time is in full effect, everyone's getting all romantic and whatnot and couples get to hang out outside, but I can't be with the one person I want to spend time with.

This song is sweet.

Things I miss.

Sorry, long one.

-My girlfriend. Which is kinda ridiculous considering I've been reaaaally lucky and have gotten to see her a bunch recently, but I won't see her for 3 weeks, and after seeing her so often, that seems like a long time. That and seeing her so much has made me realize exactly how lucky I am to have someone who's always there for me, and who has made me consistantly happy for the past 10 months, so being made so happy by her presence just puts it into harsher contrast the times that she isn't here. Sigh.

-Being in elementary school. I don't really miss the actual age from when I was an elementary schooler, or anything like that. I love being 19! I love being in college. However, I do miss how carefree I was back then. The biggest drama among friends was who got picked first in kickball. You didn't have to worry about grades, you didn't have to worry about money, you didn't have to worry about crime, you didn't have to worry about all the emotions that come with maturity. It was kind of nice. Honestly, I wouldn't trade my age or where I am now in life for anything, but sometimes I do miss how easy it was back then. Not that I really have it hard now, but you get what I mean.

-My dog being young. I was looking at Polly lying on the couch the other day, and it really made me sad. Polly's getting up there in age, and has various health complications that sort of slow her down and keep her from being fully happy it seems. I love that dog so much, and it hurts seeing her unhappy and in pain, and it'll hurt even more when the day comes that she's not with us anymore. I miss running around the house and lawn with her, and seeing how lively she was when she was younger. Jesus.

-I miss being able to unquestioningly follow my faith. Nowadays it seems like I microanalyze each aspect of Christianity, and I don't understand or have trouble believing certain parts of my faith. I miss the days (which weren't all that long ago) when I could simply take what was preached at face value and have full faith.

-I miss being really close to my mom. I feel like I've upset her a bunch with school related stuff and whatnot, and that it's kind of put a small rift in our relationship. It sucks going home and feeling stressed around her now, as opposed to how open and easy everything was before. I need to work on that.