Wish.

Just a few random thoughts. Not meant to be self-pitying or sad or anything of the sort, just a few things I want to try to work on, or wish I had improved over the years. In a thoughtful mood I suppose.

See it's me being thoughtful:

I wish I had tried more in high school. I suppose I'm at the school I want to go to...but I feel like I could have done better, and I would have liked more options. In the end it all boiled down to me not wanting to put in the work, and it kinda sucks looking back and thinking "Wow. I wish I had done what needed to be done." Not to mention my academic failings led to the majority of fights with my parents and stuff like that. Bummer.

I wish I was more religious I suppose. I know it disappoints my mom, I question everything and don't agree with many beliefs in my religion. I suppose it's just part of my personality, I find it difficult to accept things that can't necessarily be proved or seen in action in every day life. I mean I certainly believe in a higher being; the Big Bang Theory makes sense but you have to ask, where did the matter that triggered the Big Bang come from, y'know? But then I look at the world at large, and the current state of affairs in the world. Why would God value me, or say any number of non-believers or criminals over those who died in the Haiti earthquake? Value isn't the right word...I guess why would he spare those who reject or question him, when thousands of probably devout Christians perished in the earthquakes over there? I can't buy the "God wants those most devout close to him" view or anything like that, sorry, but what's gonna happen to their children? Children need parents especially in that part of the world, where drugs, violence, and corruption are so prevalent. I can't see a kind God wanting to subject these children to that without the guidance of parents. I don't know. I look at a bunch of my friends and wish I could have their faith. Maybe it'll hit me when I'm older, maybe not. It's who I am I guess, for good or bad.

I wish I knew what to say in some situations, and how to make people feel better at times. On that note I wish I was a better friend sometimes also.

I wish I had a sense of direction. Actually scratch that, I love getting lost, as long as I guess my life's not in danger haha.

I wish I could grow a legit beard. I mean I can grow a solid neckbeard, it's full to say the least, and my sideburns are things to be reckoned with. Same with my creeper moustache. But on my chin itself and the surrounding area, it's like an arid wasteland, with a few scraggly patches of beard here and there. Oh well looks like I'll never be a lumberjack.

I wish I was more true to myself earlier in life, and I wish I hadn't wasted my time on some things.

And that's all for now folks!